Really?

Who Should Paint You: Gustav Klimt

Sensual and gorgeous, you would inspire an enchanting portrait.. With just enough classic appeal to be hung in any museum!

What Artist Should Paint Your Portrait?

Sunday night

A very boring title but I am in a boring mood. We have just got back from a weekend in Oxford and Hemel with granny and the godparents (competition for the Zimmers perhaps). As usual I found the whole thing a bit stressful. Granny fussed, although I did manage to take the kids to the park on my own, which was lovely. Ivan and Veronica were lovely inspite of his cold. They have offered to come and see us off when we go, which is nice. We went for a lovely walk. Having said that our kids walk well, Roo proceeded to sit down every fifty metres or so. It gained him a new nickname (50m). He then spent the afternoon attacking a punch bag Ivan had at home. I think the godfather was a bit put out that Roo used karate blocks when he was trying to teach him how to box. Ho hum. Roo has spent today flaked out on a sofa or in the car. Poor thing was exhausted.

So we arrived home to a letter from the NZIS stating that in principle we have residency. For some odd reason we have to give them 'accurate details' of our close family and then return our passports to them to get the visas stuck in. Oh and probably pay them even more money! I am kind of surprised that Ant isn't happier, but I guess that as we have no news on the house, he is biding his time. I can't decide whether to get the champagne in or not, tempting fate?

Went to see dad as soon as we got back. He didn't know who I was. Mum asked about the letter ( she's been feeding the pets) and then I had to explain what it meant. Dad cried, as usual, but how do you explain to someone that you are going to live on the other side of the world, when all they know is that they love you?

I think we might be down one rat by tomorrow. Grievous' breathing is laboured. Watch this space.

Carpe diem

Since we lost Vron, it has become more important to 'seize the day'. Everytime I see Mark he says 'make sure you do it, whatever it is because you might not get the chance'. We seem to be doing that a lot lately.

Today we tried paragliding, or rather we tried and I failed. I have to say I much prefer skydiving. There is no time to think when you are charging down a hill, covered in rabbit holes, gorse and thistles, with a heavy pack on your back and a parachute which is trying to rip your back off. Skydiving is so much more intense. There is more of an adrenalin rush and then there is peace.

I did get chance for a short tandem glide because I was the heaviest and Gordi the instructor woudn't risk taking a lighter person in gusty conditions. As it was the ride was short because it suddenly became dangerous when the wind picked up. You know to start worrying when the instructor says ' I'm going to have to concentrate now because...'!


Meanwhile the kids were fantastic. They sat on a gusty mountain ( cumbrian hill) playing together, making up games, practising circus skills, throwing balls for the friendly collie. They didn't moan, gripe, complain or anything. They just waited patiently. I am so proud of them. We took them to the Puzzle museum as a treat. It's such a fabulous place full of holograms, optical illusions and weird stuff. A picture will follow when I have got the lead for Ant's camera.

God I am proud of my children. I've spent so much time with other people's children and my kids are fab! That probably sounds really big headed but they have been so thoughtful, so kind, so beautiful!

Monday

So spent the night in the basement after watching 'In her Shoes', a good ole girly movie, sewing sky and eventually reading a bit more of 'the Memory Keeper's daughter". I wasn't hyper or spaced I just wanted some space to spread out. I think I wrote that already.

It has generally been a successful day. Met Suze for coffee and a brief shop, took the kids to the library which they accepted without a murmer ( all the more book tokens for me to spend on me then), did the dentists with C ( without tears), played tennis in the park and then went to watch Transformers. What a pile of @$£*! Its target audience must be 8 year old boys coz Roo loved it whilst the rest of us were either bored to tears or suffering from a major migraine as a result of the speed. I really wanted to see all the detail of the transformations but the whole thing went by in a blur. It's rather odd feeling empathy for a robotic car though.

C is starting to be a little cruel to her little brother. May have to watch that. There is a fine line between gentle ribbing and upsetting him. I know she is only trying out a new way of communicating but she doesn't have the panache yet.

Ant is back on his meds again, so is difficult to please. He always wants us to go to the courts to play tennis whilst I want to knock about in the park. It always has to be 'done properly'. I just want the kids to have fun and learn a few skills along the way. Why should we have to drive to have fun? I especially want them to be able to have fun on their own together, without us and how will they practice that if we have to chauffeur them to activities.

EPILOGUE: Having read back I am aware of the use of the word 'always'. This could be a sign of a meltdown to come. I do tend to have global thoughts adn I have tried very hard to not use that word too many times. I have said before there is a kernal of truth in the midst of the global statement...

POTFEST

We went to PotFest at Hutton in the Forest today. It's a big event about pottery ( what else?) with lots of potters exhibiting and selling stuff, from vases to tiles, from mugs to garden sculptures. I took the kids last year to the cattle market in Penrith but this was a much better venue, a huge house and gardens and weather to match.

We bought some green stoneware mugs and bowls from my favourite pot man Nick Williams and some very colourful mugs from the brightest stall in the whole place.

It's a really inspiring event. I come home and just want to create something, paint something, sculpt something, sew something. Today I ironed something! Ah well!

I am going to continue with my latest sampler for the boys.

I really want to see if my moji really reflects my mood. He said I was happy earlier when I wasn't but, give him his due, he did change his opinion!

There's one born...

Not having a great time lately. Ant is back on the antibiotics and is soo irritating. He spends every spare minute on the top floor playing the tin whistle and the bodhrum. Caitlin is overtired from a sleepover, Reuben's glued to his DS and the mother in law is up. Delightful though she is, I find it very stressful having her around. She questions everything, why are we leaving stuff behind when we move, why do we don't we sell things on eBay more...hum, can't lift our telly let alone sell it! she is very well meaning but just gets on my nerves.
I have sold a few things on eBay this week. I can't believe a toy snowman sold for £18, major profit as it was a present.



Still feeling very frustrated about everything, we have had a surveyor round but the sale seems to be taking so long. No sign of the visas yet, no plans for the summer, bar from Cropredy ( four days in a wet field- good beer though). I just can't seem to get the rest of the family motivated. I fancied a trip to the local art gallery to do some sketching with the kids only they couldn't be bothered so Ant and I went for a whole half an hour. I didn't rate the watercolours ( Ruskin and Turner) but the modern stuff was excellent. It was a showcase of Abbott Hall's whole catalogue, including Freud, Bridget Riley, Auerbach, Rigo, Spencer and Hockney.

I've started some new sewing projects to try and get my oomph back ( oh god just seen the cricket scores!) A wedding and two baby welcomers should keep me occupied. I'm trying to decide whether I should go to bed or sew all night. I am desperate for some space but Caitlin needs mega attention and if you so much as hesitate she flies off the rails. I don't want to go to bed because I could do with lots of space just to spread out. I know it's mostly stress but it doesn't help to know that. My skin had deteriorated dramatically, which doesn't exactly help my mood, and as for eating...

Tee hee

We won a runner's up prize for our HP costumes. Can't wait to see what we've won!

P.S. We won a copy of 'A guide to Wizards of the World ' by Merlin ( who else?)

A sense of foreboding

Everything seems to be going too well. We have a sale on the house, the visas are due any minute, the last carboot sale got rid of a decent amount of stuff, ebay is going well and yet...

I feel awful. I did think Ihad my 'stress stomach' ache but the usual pain killers are useless and my back is killing me. It must be anxiety but this time there is little I can do about it. Wea re just playing a waiting game and hoping that we won't be hit by the same flooding as the rest of the country. Our river isn't even looking the least bit high (famous last words).

The kids had a sporty day yesterday. We played tennis for an hour and a half. Roo has a fearsome forehand and Caitlin gets the most amazing angles. A few more years and they WILL wipe the floor with uncle Paul! Then Ant took them to the driving range for their first go at golf. They thoroughly enjoyed it. I sloped into town for a coffee. I enjoyed that too. C and I spent the afternoon on the sofa. She never sleeps during the day so we must have worn her out. They then needed to go to Karate for an hour. I think the poor things will need a rest tomorrow ( and the dentists!) We are making a concerted effort with C's weight at the mo. She admits to being a secret eater, which is why i never let her out of my sight. We are eating much more healthily though I spotted a major increase in her milk intake yesterday. Need to watch that one.

Divination rules!

Then, with a bright white flash and a crack, a crystal ball fell on top of his head and he crumpled to the floor and did not move.

"I have more!" shrieked Professor Trelawny from over the banisters, "more for any who want them! Here-"

And with a movement like a tennis serve, she heaved another enormous crystal sphere from her bag, waved her wand through the air, and caused the ball to speed across the hall and smash through a window.

Harry Potter

Started queuing at 22.40
Bought two books at 00.18.
Started reading at 00.45.
Slept 03.00 till 07.00
Finished book at 12.18.

Cried 3 times,
Cheered twice...good ole Neville!



A good editor would have cut most of the middle 200 pages but I wouldn't have missed the annual thrill!

Life on Mars

God do I still feel shit! I spent the morning on the sofa with 'Life on Mars' though I only saw about one out of three episodes as I fell asleep.
Ant was in a foul mood; we had a silent coffee this morning and he is showing no interest in the move, which is driving me up the wall!
Went to see Shrek with the kids after school; not as good as the earlier ones but a nice way to spend a hour or so.
So now I have to sort out their scrapbooks to take to school so their friends can sign them. A late night beckons!

End of term illness strikes

I have felt shit for two days now, I reckon it's the end of term illness that has been delayed by a week! Everything aches and I feel like death ( not literally of course).
As far as Ant is concerned it's just my head that's gone. As always! I am not allowed to be ill.
C performed well at the talent show, although the sound was a little dodgy!

Poetry 2

Deep within that hollow stare,
of our presence they're unaware.
A special life that's fading away,
in spite of things we try to convey.

Memories locked up in their mind,
and there it's kept all confined.
The good times spent long ago,
with all their love they did bestow.

For these moments will live forever,
and our pride in them will endeavor.
Seeing them lying there we know why,
Alzheimer's is called the long good-bye.

Family

Spent the day sewing in C's class, making hand and finger puppets and generally making a nuisance of myself. A.M. they had the lovely Mrs Klijn who was fab and enthusiastic; PM we had the usual teacher who certainly doesn't come across as enthusiastic. Hey ho! One TA and I shared our opinions on C's nemesis...and I thought it was just me who thought she was a cow!

Mum has had a tough time lately. Dad has deteriorated again. He was horrible to her and she nearly walked out. A tearful conversation to me and a call from Anton got her through the night and she managed to get Dad to go to Benson Green for the day. She desperately needed a break from him.

Nearly the whole family went out for dinner tonight, just to Wetherspoons, who coped marvellously with 16 of us. Mum figured that it might be the last time that we could all get together, only Ange was missing, before we wander off or before Dad finally pops his clogs. It was a really nice occasion. The nephews are all so grown up, C loved being with the big girls (21 and 19) and Roo was just Roo! It really cheered Dad up to see us all together. He was quite tearful again and needed many reminders about who we all were. But it was worth it to see Mum happy! She will probably bear the brunt tomorrow but I can take C over to lessen the burden.







We finally heard from the NZIS. My medical has been cleared ( Thank god!) and the rough timescale is now 4 weeks, so mid August when we shall hopefully have a sold house and a blue sticker in our passports. Bring it on!

Poetry One

A blade of grass
by Brian Patten

You ask for a poem.
I offer you a blade of grass.
You say it is not good enough.
You ask for a poem.

I say this blade of grass will do.
It has dressed itself in frost,
It is more immediate
Than any image of my making.

You say it is not a poem,
It is a blade of grass and grass
Is not quite good enough.
I offer you a blade of grass.

You are indignant.
You say it is too easy to offer grass.
It is absurd.
Anyone can offer a blade of grass.

You ask for a poem.
And so I write you a tragedy about
How a blade of grass
Becomes more and more difficult to offer,

And about how as you grow older
A blade of grass
Becomes more difficult to accept.

How good is an achievement?

Only as good as you feel it is?

What do you do when your children both come home with glowing reports? Praise them of course!

But what do you do when your two children bring home said glowing reports and one of them has level 4 in Maths, Reading and Writing whilst the other has level 3b in writing, 4A in reading and 4b in Maths? Priase them on being well ahead of the average for the SATS but remind them that these levels only apply to single tests on a specific day, not how intelligent, smart, thoughtful, caring they are the rest of the time!

My dilemma is this Caitlin scored really well, has a perfect report but she got the 3b in her writing and Reuben got a 4. At year three they don't demarcate the level 4s into abc because frankly they don't expect year three to get level 4.

So Caitlin bursts into tears and is wandering around as though she has just failed everything, whilst Roo is just playing on his ds as though nothing has happened. Yes he's proud of himself but that's enough for him. He doesn't need a big deal made of it.

CAitlin has also got through to the final of the talent contest, playing 'Wonderful tonight' as a duet with Beth on the clarinet. Of course now her confidence has gone through the floor so she will expect to fail at that too!

Hmm I remember my dad saying something similar when I got my degree result ( not exactly a fail but felt it at the time) and then having to go and give a Rotary speech. But hey, I gave the speech and a damn fine one it was too! Red rag and bull spring to mind.

Rollercoaster Day

Yet more ups and downs. Have to confess I have been less than consistent with my meds this week. It's an end of term thing. Back on the straight and narrow today...in other words I have got my new prescription, have felt shit, spaced, lonely, annoyed and incredibly tired, but it is now 12.50am the ironing is done and I am sorely tempted to go and clear out my wardrobe.

This really is the usual end of term reaction. The problem this year is that I haven't actually had any time to go through the low phase because I have had stuff to do and have had no time on my own. That's one of the weird things. I feel really lonely at the moment inspite of never being on my own or able to make my own decisions about what to do. Ant said i looked like I had the weight of the world on my shoulders this morning but I so couldn't talk to him. How do you put it into words? Even he is starting to sound concerned about the application, though.

Kids had their sports day today. C's house , Blencathra, won. I don't quite understand why Roo isn't in the same house. Neil and I agreed that our sports day was superb by comparison. I appreciate we have fewer children but the whole thing works like clockwork, the children organise themselves, and as for the results, well the spreadsheets are fantastic! Smug, smug, smug! Anton told me off for saying 'we do a good sports day'. I have started saying 'they'.

Did all the ironing today, just so I can start sorting out what we're taking. Sure fire sign I am getting back to normal.

Next crisis will be my weight again. One problem, with being at home when Ant is, is that we go out for breakfast every day. Bad move but it will stop when the kids are on hols. They are such a good incentive.

At 1.00 I think I need to call it a day. Spare room again I think (or basement..there's a better reading light down there)
Had better add that y head is suddenly strting to race. My forehead is feeling tight and movement is rather more jerky. My jaw has clamped too, sign of things to come? Better go to bed , NOW

Joining bandwagons

I know, I know, these are all over the internet right now but it had to be done. I wanted to be fatter and dumpier but C wouldn't let me!

Sort of finished at school again today. That's to say went in, did my paperwork ( about 10 months earlier than I usually do), picked up some stuff, dropped off a big box of books for the library ( from my kids) and tried not to make too much mess (some hope). It felt very odd and rather final. I have no desire to go in again. Jane is already backing the boards and making the place her own, though Sara may have something to say about that!
It is interesting how different people react to my junk. Sharon instantly reached for her purse when I gave her some picture books for Adam, whilst others just went 'Thanks' and buggered off. Not that I am bothered by selling stuff, I just think it's interesting.

Ant is not well again but we still managed an hour's run around with the kids in the park. I have promised them relatively undivided attention and this way we get fresh air and fun too. Tomorrow is Sport's Day and Roo's swimming so they'll get their exercise that way.

Dad was better this evening. He still gets confused and thinks we are living in NZ but he always manages to remember Anton , even when Ant is at home. Mum looked a bit stressed but at least she has had some 'her-time' this week.

Ups and Downs

Woke up snapping apparantly! I felt Ant was snapping too but as ever it was my fault. We went for a walk on the Scar, starting in brilliant sunshine and ending up drenched in ice cold rain. Managed to have a cuddle at the bandstand but by then I needed it. Ant had a go at me for snapping and I felt he was saying that I was responsible for all my actions and that he didn't need to help the situation with my moods. He does seem to be rather selfish at times. He hadn't mentioned to my mum the possibility of her picking the kids up if we went paragliding, which I felt was a matter of respect. Given what is going on in her life I feel we can't take her for granted.

Managed to get myself sorted ( had a good cry, pointed out how helpless I feel, how I am convinced that NZ will reject me coz of my condition).

Had a lovely lunch at the Wheatsheaf, felt slightly underdressed (shorts and muddy legs) but enjoyed the hotpot.

Other achievements:
Posted on freecycle, got rid of one bed, plastic drawers, shelf, a few albums and a guitar (and not for free either); nearly got rid of the boys too but the chap was having a heart op and had no one else to look after them whilst he is in hospital-ho hum!
Played in the park for a hour with the kids and some other youngsters who got stuck in when we played pig in the middle.
Sorted a box of books for school.

Didn't manage to even start the ironing. Ah well

Happy birthday Boo

Reuben's eighth birthday came and went. Caitlin brought him breakfast in bed, or should that read breakfast on bed, crumbs and spills everwhere! He opened pressies in ten seconds flat, almost totally technological- DS and games, tamagotchi, cubes. The only books he got were ones he's already got so a return to Amazon beckons.

First car boot sale was an experience. The number of people haggling over 20p was astounding. Ant reckons we made about £100, not bad for aday when there were 4 carboots in Kendal alone. I still have a car full of rubbish, I mean wonderful opportunities for rehoming. I took Roo home after an hour coz he was so hyper.

Slept through the Grand Prix, sad Lewis Hamilton didn't win at Silverstone. Managed to miss the tennis too. Went to a BBQ at Claire's and relied on Ant's phone for updates. Turns out it was the match of the tournament/year/century. Hey ho better watch the highlights.

Kurt rang from the States. He is such a gem of a godfather, always remembers the kids' birthdays.

Also got news from the States that Josh and David's 'babies' have arrived, prem twins of a surrogate mum. Only in my life could this be normal. I don't mean anything by that, just try explaining some of my friends to my mother ( actually she is far more understanding than that but you get the idea)