Feeling overwhelmed

We are trying to keep everything together today. Had a bit of a meltdown, over camping equipment, bit embarrassing really. I think Ant realised how difficult we were all finding things lately, him not talking to us, moaning about money then spending thousands, not joining in with the family, never reading the bedtime story. We all had a good cry, in the middle of a camping shop, which confused the hell out of the assistant who thought it was her fault.

Silly thing was I had no intention of spending thousands on stuff for the girls camping trip. Trade me is good but because he doesn't talk to me he didn't realise I am good at doing things on the cheap. He finally said that his illness took more out of him than he is ready to admit and that worrying about money is his default setting ( my words). The last two times we have been shopping, he left his wallet at home so I had to physically pay for everything.

Anyway, today is another day and I have found lots of free things to do, if only to make a point! Titirangi music festival is on and there are bands playing in the street. I am sure we can afford the price of a coffee!

Here are some pictures to cheer everyone up.

Not such a good week

This week is proving difficult. I am feeling a bit lost and down. I think the problem is that I can see how many jobs there are around here that need doing and I just get overwhelmed. It's a head thing. There seem to be too many obstacles too..Ant bought a 'cheap' step ladder which won't reach to the top of C's wall so I got already to achieve something and then couldn't. The cleaning just seems endless, so does the washing and it takes forever if I need to get something from the shops. Not being organised and living in the back of beyond has taken its toll this week...at least Molly is sleeping so I can't blame her.
Ant is down too though won't say why. Even when he's home I hardly see him, he's always on the computer doing cookie stuff or writing his book...none of which is making him happy. And if he says 'well I go to work!'once more I think I will hit him!

Hopefully the weekend will help. The rest of the family has said they will cook on Saturdays...remains to be seen! We need to make more plans to do stuff otherwise the time just drifts and we end up doing very little.

New Zealand isn't feeling so idyllic today, inspite of the sunshine!

Photos

It's easier to update this blog than the family one

So I have Molly lying on my lap having been in her crate from 11pm til 6.30 am. Not coz she slept through the night you understand but because I LOCKED HER IN HER CRATE WITH A DUVET OVER IT IN THE ROOM FURTHEST AWAY FROM ME !!! I was exhausted last night and desperately in need of sleep!

She is the most adorable puppy I think I have ever met, which is odd considering I had discounted her when we went to visit the litter. She is very cuddlesome, follows me round the house, charms everyone ( except maybe Anton) and gives lovely spaniel kisses. I just wish she would not want to play at 3am.

I can't wait til the day she can go out for a walk. April 5th I think is W Day as she will have had her last vaccination. C and I are going on a mum and daughters' tramping weekend so I hope Roo will enjoy his privileged position and take her out!

It looks like the cookie business might actually amount to something. The oven is working ( well) and Shaun, who is on the Board of Trustees at school and organises trail runs, has invited Anton to provide cookies for the next one, in Henderson, on April 13th ( about 400 cookies). I do so hope this works out. Ant has been very down lately, especially over work, though I am sure jet lag has something to do with it. He seems to think that he SHOULD have a job to match his lifestyle, although I pointed out that most kiwis work so they can enjoy the lifestyle, they don't necessarily work on something that is part of it ( does that make sense?). I do hope he won't be disappointed. I think the cookies could be physically harder than his current job. You can, after all, only make so many cookies in a given time...sleepless nights anyone?

Having a puppy is good for my lifestyle though. Getting up early means I can get my emailling done before everyone else gets up and cuddle time is good for reading. I have just finished " The Tenderness of Wolves' that book set in Canada, written by someone who never left the British library. Frankly you don't need to visit a snowy wasteland to be able to write about it. It felt a bit like 'Brokeback Mountain' meets' Call of the Wild', but with too many characters. Easy to read however but I didn't find myself caring for any of the characters.

I have also read 'The concise Chinese English dictionary for Lovers' which was excellent! It takes the form of a notebook written by a Chinese girl who comes to England to attend an English Language college. It is written in deliberately poor english which improves as the story develops. It alleges to be about the misunderstandings and misconceptions of two cultures, but could as easily be about sexes, ages, or outlooks. Just lovely.

Ant is writing a book ( another lifestyle choice). It's rather good so far!

It seems we have slipped into very stereotypical roles. He the breadwinner, me the mom. I was starting to resent all the jobs I have to do, especially when he suggests another task like doing the paperwork ( the Admin) or mowing the lawn. The kids have been arguing about who does which jobs and most often so we were going to keep a record. Maybe we should all do that and see where the balance lies. I think I have problems with having to remind people to do their tasks, like watering the plants. It takes as much effort to remember as it does to do the bloody thing so I sometimes think I should just do it myself...but then what would be the point in that? At least the dog makes me stop occasionally, and just sit. A lot like having a baby really!