Monday, May 22, 2006


What a day!

First I had to go to the dentists with the kids. I was OK, just needed a clean. Roo has lost one tooth but the others are taking their time to come out. They are obviously as laid back as he is. Caitlin is another issue. She has very crooked and cramped teeth and had to have a filling. She cried a lot about that as she had to have an injection which left her lips numb for three hours. She may need a brace when she is older too unless her teeth correct themselves. She's already worrying about it, but at least Anton can reassur her. He had a brace, whereas my teeth just went into place as I got older.

Then I had to go to the doctors to have my coil replaced. Oh my god it was painful! The doctor was cool and very efficient and the nurse was amazing, really supportive, and kept me distracted. I now have rather severe stomach cramps which I am not used to.

So then school, well after Asda's anyway. We were asked to tidy the communal areas.I said I already had a communal area and had put rather a lot of effort into it! I then took it upon myself to ask about next year. Well I have to know. I managed to force Neil to listen to us but he's so non commital! Hopefully both Jayne and I can finda satisfactory solution for next year.

Next issue, how often is normal for sex? How about never? I have so many inhibitions, not least of which is my weight, and so does Anton.Now I don't drink it's even worse. He queried it today, as I had put myself through so much agony for contraception. What can I say? where's the porn channel????

Friday, May 19, 2006

Hmm is this true?

This was a link from Melly's blog which I thought I'd try. Not sure I agree with the answer though. Especially today.

You Are Apple Red

You're never one to take life too seriously, and because of it, you're a ton of fun.
And although you have a great sense of humor, you are never superficial.
Deep and caring, you do like to get to the core of people - to understand them well.
However, any probing you do is light hearted and fun, sometimes causing people to misjudge you.

We have a new head. Lindsey Ferrie, uberhead, major over achiever, probably the best choice and certainly somebodywho can deal with Mrs Music. Strangely as a result of the appointment, I've had a bit of a crisis of conscience. I have no confidence again. I guess I used to be the over achiever but now I've gone...' I'm a poor musician, I'm an average teacher, I have little ambition ( or is that true?) and I feel a failure at most things. My head is off the lines again; I'm fat, spotty messy and out of control. Shit!

Lessons went well today; really pleased with the flipchart I created and using strings to reproduce a practical food web.

Trouble is that isn't enough to make me feel better.

You Are Animal

A complete lunatic, you're operating on 100% animal instincts.
You thrive on uncontrolled energy, and you're downright scary.
But you sure can beat a good drum.
"Kill! Kill!"

That's better!

You Are Scary

You even scare scary people sometimes!

Even better!

How You Life Your Life

You seem to be straight forward, but you keep a lot inside.
You're laid back and chill, but sometimes you care too much about what others think.
You prefer a variety of friends and tend to change friends quickly.
Some of your past dreams have disappointed you, but you don't let it get you down.

What can I say?

Your Ideal Pet is a Cat

You're both aloof, introverted, and moody.
And your friends secretly wish that you were declawed!

I think I'm addicted!

I think I'd betterstop and bookmark the site instead

What Your Face Says

At first glance, people see you as warm and well-balanced.

Overall, your true self is passionate and physical.

With friends, you seem dramatic, lively, and quick to react.

In love, you seem like a huge flirt.

In stressful situations, you seem selfish and moody.

Couldn't resist! Addictive personality ( especially on a Friday when Ant is doing other things!)

Wednesday, May 17, 2006


So we have a new headteacher but we don't know who? Our Deputy really ought to let us know coz I'm sure he knows but we obviously don't count for anything.

The children are really missing their dad, he's in London all week.They are really clingy, C wants to sleep in my bed and R feels ill. I wouldn't mind but they don't tend to pay much attention to him ( orhe them)when he's here.

Been to the gym again. Feeling virtuous although I'm still eating very badly. I just can't be bothered to cook, especially when Anton is away. Still feeling calm and centred, have updated the IT policy ready for typing up.

What will tomorrow bring?

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Calm descends???

Iam finally taking no Depakote, only citalopram and lamotrigine. I've noticed that my appetite has changed. I'm still eating badly...too much chocolate, but at least not as much of it. I'm having real trouble eating healthily. Not surewhat that is about. I figure it's probably stress. The governorsstill haven't informed us who the new head is going to be, but since our least favourite candidate was called back, the witches are not hopeful. We really do cackle like the three witches when we get started. ~Hubble, bubble, toil and especially trouble-

My hair is looking interesting. Lots of layers of different colours. It looks great when it's straight but I'm not so convinced it'll look as good curly. Oh for straight hair!
I've found I'm thinking fairly straight too of late. Apart from the obvious upset of last week with that horrid little man, I've been very centred. I'm proud of my assembly on emails, with all its hyperlinks. The children were really engaged, learned something and laughed a lot. Can't be bad!

I've also solved the problem of having no email accounts for our classes. Only took two days. I have been rather useful in school from an ICT sense. I've led the staff meeting on updating the IT policy, shown off our new software, as well as troubleshooting one of the candidate's presentations, although not well enough that her hyperlinks worked. ~She should have been better prepared. I had warned the Governors that there might be aproblem. Maybe they will listen to me sometimes now.

That said one of the governors did ask my opinion. He is the most personable of the bunch but it was weird since the Head of theSenior School was standing with him. I think I made my points soundly enough. I could justify everything I said and the nice Gov. agreed with me on one of the candidates having no prescence...or eye contact.

We are waiting with bated breath to find out the result. Boy are we hoping!

It makes a change for me to post on a day when I'm feeling alright. I think I'm compensating for the very disturbed night I had (roo's earache) by trying to achieve something. I have ironed, cleaned out the 'boys', updated the blog, put two loads of washing on and done quite a reasonable amount of sewing whilst the children were at karate.

Wednesday, May 10, 2006

out of my tree

I am so very very depressed. I've been criticised for trying to be helpful at school, by people who wouldn't know if I existed or not.
I can't hold back the tears. I can't eat. My head is so muddled. What should I do?

I've created an assembly and revised the ICT policy but feel terribly depressed. I can't do this. I want my head to end now

I am so down. I couldn't go to the gym, or for a run. I mean what's the point? I guess my pills just aren't working yet/ at all?


Friday, May 05, 2006

Mania and exhaustion

So the new dosage hasn't kicked in! Wednesday I was so hyper. I worked from morning till night, clearing out the shed, going to the tip with the pee ridden carpet ( thanks cats), buying paint, washing, ironing, trying to think of what I was going to teach tomorrow. I was annoyed that i had to sit and watch the kids paddling in the river.I still felt I had so much to do. I managed to cook tea, gorgous curry but then wanted to carry on. Listened to the kids read ( Dr Who books are a tad tedious) and finally flaked in time for the "Apprentice". And I predicted the outcome...who says Anton was the better recruitment bod. I reckon I could hire really well!

Trouble with the mania is the depression that comes after it. I was so emotional the next day. Our maintenance man upset me, though he is a jerk. All over whether the computer room benches actually needed extra legs. He was warned not to mess with me! Then Bea was aggressive ( she'd put non rechargables in the recharger and they nearly exploded) which made me feel worse and no one could understand why I was so upset. Those who do know about my condition just knew to leave me alone.

Today I just feel angry. The children eventually worked well but couldn't sort out their stuff for themselves. I'm sure they all get pandered to at home, probably dressed by their parents. AND THEY ARE NINE!!!!! Four of them are leaving at the end of the year and frankly they've already left. I felt so angry and so strict, not to mention shouty. And that's not me.

Kids are going to stay with Granny tomorrow for a couple of days so we have an afternoon together. Shame School's Open Day is going to monopolise the morning. It'll be chaos...a circus based theme, my circus skills group are sooooo not organised...not enough warning, who knows who will turn up, prospective heads or new parents or old parents. Who do we concentrate on? Who do we talk to most ?

WHO KNOWS? At least I've found all the candidates now. Google is a wonderful invention. 10 minutes and I'd found all but the one who works in Chile!!!! I think the Governors were impressed. Hope so!

Monday, May 01, 2006

Oh so tired

Today seemed very difficult like I was running to catch up and always behind. I knew I had to get to Asda and wanted to do something with the kids, being a Bank Holiday and all, but I had to include a plasterer and a husband into the equation. I also wanted to take mum for a drive in my hire car ( she loved it, even though dad was in the car too)

M and D had had a bit of a falling out about his drugs, whether he took them or not. She apparantly ranted at him but frankly I couldn't put up with him. We have to remember that she needs to get out of the house occasionally. She is much younger than him (86 and 68) and he is becoming very feeble. She has to have a life too. She'sgoing to Weight Watchers with Jacce again so that should help!

The children and I went to the Wildlife Oasis. Roo wanted to go to Blackpool but there just wasn't time. We had a lovely time. I love the ants, the chameleons, the rats ( especially the rats!! and their babies), the fossa and their offspring... It's only a tiny zoo but so quaint!

I went to play tennis tonight and again had a good craic. Denise seems to take everything very seriously ( shy?) but Heather. Chris and Howard were good fun. It took me a good three games to get my act together. Before that I was pants!!!

I found a picture of myself online last night, part of the Hawkshead set. God I looked fat! I had a baggy fleece on and my running tights and I looked awful. It has spurred me into action though I feel slightly spaced> I need to get fitter and lose a bit of weight so I can move more efficiently.

I need to amke sure I drink more water coz my joints are feeling very stiff and sore. My hip hasn't been right since I went 'rollerblading' with Caitlin. I use the term lightly. I think I may have to take cod liver oil or something, must look that up!

I've reduced the depakote to two so it will be interesting to see if I get withdrawals. I already feel odd. Watch this space!