Friday, August 31, 2007

Big Brother

So Brian won BB! Richly deserved!

I am really not sure how I am going to cope with the next few weks. There are so many goodbyes to say. I have said so long to some school colleagues/friends and that was hard. What will it be like with my family?

We are getting to the end of the road packing wise but I still can't believe how much stuff there is in our house.

Feeling weepy

p.s. Moji is back off his holiday

Wednesday, August 29, 2007


V tired tonight. 2 hours of ironing with the US Open. Spent p.m trying to sort out the playroom. Have shredded everything fom the filing cabinet and have cancelled loads of direct debits, storecards and the TV licence.

Successful ebay campaign this week, raised over £50 and still a day to run!

When Oh when will we be ready for this move? We fly out on the 14th, complete on the house on the 7th and pack up on the 3rd.AAAAAAAAAaaaaaarrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!

Am reading excessively to take mind off everything.Just finished Double Fault by Lionel Shriver. I loved the fact that the two main characters were so unlikeable but so well developed. Not sure about the ending, rather abrupt but overall a book I needed to finish.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

My moji has disappeared

I think my moji is having a nervous breakdown. He has disappeared for the last few days.

Fraught is a good word; so are stressed, panicky, procrastinating, ill, worried, nervous, anxious, pissed off, responsible, etc etc

I am not sure if I am ill or if I am having an allergic reaction to dust or hayfever; either way I feel awful.

One lesson I have learned is about consumption. We are getting rid of so much stuff that, at some point, we must have felt we needed. It has been so refreshing seeing spaces appearing in our house. They have stopped being holes and are becoming free space. It is cleansing to be able to say 'I don't need this'. I am definitely going to be careful about what I buy in the future. And use freecycle a whole lot more.
We are less concerned about what the house looks like now. It is a complete tip so that is probably adding to the sense of helplessness. No tidying up is being done, so there is no clear tidy free space in which to escape. The front room is full of suitcases, the back room is full of 'god knows what!', the kitchen is a bombsite and the playroom, well, looks the same as it always does just more mess and fewer objects.

Fingers crossed for a good return on eBay

Saturday, August 25, 2007

OMG the flights are booked

We fly out of Heathrow on Friday 14th September 2007, via LAX, landing in Auckland on Sunday morning.

The panic attacks and sleepless nights have started already. I am just glad the World athletics championships are on overnight. Makes it all bearable.

Friday, August 24, 2007


There are holes appearing all over our house! There is a computer sized hole, a freezer shaped hole, a wedding dress size hole ( someone got a bargain £1.20!!!!!!!) and now a rat sized hole.
Anton was rather sad to see the dress go! There was a wistful look in his eyes when I took it down to post. Ahhhhh!
I was rather more upset about the rat. No he hasn't died. Yoda has gone to a new home. I emailed Alan, the man who offered to have the boys when he came out of hospital. Turns out he hasn't actually had his op ( too fat and on too many meds) so is living life to the full. He's just got two cats and now a rat. He'd been round a few times, but we were never in.But I'm glad he was so eager to have 'my boy'. His son managed to drop the cage on his way out. Luckily Yoda was in his floodlight box at the time so I only had to sweep sawdust off the floor not bits of rat!
I had a little weep after he left. We used to do my planning together with him on the table. I'm sure he was my inspiration some days. Still, this is better than the alternative!
Retail therapy helped today. Lots of t shirts, a new pair of crocs, and lots of books for the family to share: The Boy in the Striped Pyjamas, The Magician's Guild, Trilogy, Just in Case, Wolf Brother and Attica. We have been reading The Talent Thief most nights and really enjoying the closeness, cuddles and indeed the story. I used the vouchers I got from school to buy them as a) books are expensive in NZ so we felt we should stock up and b) it seemed like a good 'family' thing to do! I still have loads of books to read from the last few months so I didn't need any more and it made the kids feel that they had something familiar to look forward to.
We are inches from exchange of contracts, then we can book flights. We are planning to fly via LA as we can take twice as much luggage (46 versus 23kgs). There is hassle with US immigration, unloading cases and reloading again but heck we can take so much more!

Where do I start?

It has been a very strange and eventful few days.
Following my little mood swing, I felt awful. I woke up on Wednesday with distinctly flu like symptoms, so I stayed in bed till lunchtime. Ant took the kids to my mums (to deliver a computer and a freezer) and to play badminton and all I knew was when Roo came to see me and told me he had had lots of biscuits at mums.
Mum appeared about 1.30 to bring me some flowers and to pick up the freezer keys which had ended up in my pocket. Then she dropped the bombshell. She had run over my dad in her car when she was backing it out of the garage to make room for Ant's car and the freezer. Dad landed on the pavement, apparantly having been bumped by the end of the car. I did my best Doctor Who Xmas impression 'WHAT! What? WHat!'. She'd brought him out in the car with her to see me but he stayed in the car, muttering about how she had done it before and how it didn't hurt as much as last time! So not true!

At three o'clock I took Yoda and Bam Bam to the vets. Yoda has a full bill of health, his patchy fur being a natural curse of being a curly rex. Bam Bam, on the other hand, has become bald because, wait for it, he is allergic to fleas inspite of not having any evidence of any and he has a few harvest mites. These are the latest thing in the cat world. So the scrawny thing needed steroids and lots of 'Frontline'. £60 pounds later!!! I have told mum she'll have to have him since no one else will look at a cat with no fur! She is not happy.

So when I rang her to tell her the cat news, she says 'I'm taking your dad to A&E. He is in so much pain and can't walk!" Needless to say, I went over, not thinking for a second about giving my flu to anyone else. It took a good half an hour to get him in the car and then we needed a wheel chair to get him into the hospital. Everyone thought he had broken his hip and mother was wracked with guilt. She felt so responsible, so anxious and so out of control. I needed to be the calm one. Dad was of course out of it. He had no idea what had happened, kept saying 'how long have I had this? It happened last week!".
Luckily the x ray came back very quickly. No bones broken so they couldn't wait to get him out of there. They gave him a zimmer frame and helped us get him into the car and that was it. I am no professional but surely an elderly man who has had a serious fall needs observation, even if he is a pain with Alzheimers! We got him home eventually and two days later he is able to get down stairs and is comfortable. He still has no idea what happened- just as well- and has been hallucinating because of the Codeine he's been taking but at least he is nearly back to NORMAL!!!!!

This post could become "War and Peace ' so I'll write part two later!

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Day Four

So four days after a drinking session, I have this mood swing, so today was the day. My mood hasn't been too outlandish, although I did snap at C when she was desperate for me to play 'Phoenix Wright' at 9 o'clock this morning. I have noticed myself getting very snappy with the kids over those games, as though I feel pressured into doing the problem solving stuff when I am not thinking clearly.
Played tennis with the kids. I can see why C has friendship troubles. If she doesn't get her own way, she mopes. She really didn't like it that for five minutes Ant and I wanted to hit the ball really hard. Arghhhhh!
We did talk about it later, when we had to sit in the cafe before karate. Lost keys- another arggghhhh! We both agreed that we can sort of reinvent ourselves when we move. I explained about saying 'yes' to suggestions rather than 'no'. She feels people regard her as being very clever and she has to live up to it, which is true. She is bright but others can take advantage of that, asking her to do something, like write a play, and then pulling it apart when they don't like it! The NZ curriculum seems to set great store on collaborative learning and practical problem solving so we have talked about compromise, agreeing and then amending ideas. People tend to be willing to adapt an idea rather than being told to change it completely.
I had an hour to myself today, over coffee, so I didn't kill anyone. But I then spent three hours sorting out my desktop computer so that mum can have it. I don't think it's ever worked so well. Amazing what happens when you take off lots of academic software, oh yeah and renewed its virus protect! For some reason she didn't seem overjoyed to hear I was taking it over. Really not sure it was worth the effort, but that's how the mood is!
Felt I had taken on too much ( or rather was the only one to do the stuff) when I was trying to clear up the pooter, cook tea, iron karate suits and sort out appointments for the pets at the vets. Better get them sorted before I go to the doctors obviously!
Anton has bought lots of windsurfing stuff from a guy up on Kendal Green. Should have bid on eBay but did it privately. I reckon he could have got them for £20 but he spent £175. One born every...!

Sunday, August 19, 2007

Hung over

Made a fatal decision to drink last night. Justine, Tony and the kids came over for a Caitlin organised party. It's just as well she arranged it as we'd never get around to socialising. Everyone seems to be going on holiday this week so we can have time to clear up a bit more. I have filled few more boxes. My sister and god daughters finally came over yesterday and raided the book shelves and pictures. I did get some money out of Jacce for our pharoah picture. I refused to give it her for nothing. I was more than happy for Rachel to have loads of pictures as I know she will appreciate them.

We have all been very tired today, a late night has been had by all. I even slept through the Chelsea Liverpool draw. Had a wonderful time watching the Manchester derby. God old City. And Durham won the one day final. Paul Collingwood should go to the top of the faves list again.

The kids traded in some DS games and bought me 'Phoenix Wright-Ace Attorney'. Good for the little grey cells, though not with a hang over, or when C does bits without me!

Roo has been playing 'age of mythology' and has decided he wants to be a Historian- god help him.

P.S Yoda is looking very sad!

Thursday, August 16, 2007

A strange day

Perhaps the death of Grievous set the tone for the day but I have a tremendous sense of a lack of achievement so hopefully writing this will focus my mind.

The kids went to Enda's today with Ant asking me what I planned to do with my day. I had no idea but there was a vague suggestion of organising something. After breakfast I spent time blog hopping but eventually aimed for the playroom, to cuddle Yoda and empty a shelf or two.

I did fill a bin bag and a box for the charity shop but I felt I had made more mess than when I started. I did manage to get my sewing stuff into one place, though not in any order. That will come later. The trouble was I was sorting out the shelves that had teaching stuff on it. Now, admittedly, some of it was very old and outdated but I still felt odd adding stuff to the discard pile. I felt I was resigning myself to a lack of identity. I have no problem with my role as mum but it feels strange to be ridding myself of the trappings of my profession. I don't know whether to keep what seems to be the most important files just in case I need them when/if I choose to teach again or be totally ruthless with myself and assume the NZ system has no need of British resources.

I also managed to get all our NZ documents in one place so that says something!

We took a group trip to see the Simpson movie. It was, as expected, just a longer episode with fewer jokes but the boys ( 8 year olds) loved it.

The rat had a very formal funeral service, once we had got over the trauma of trying to dig a hole big enough to take the box. Roots and rocks made life difficult. We said a few words over the 'site' and Caitlin left a flower to mark the spot.

I also put my wedding dress on eBay. There must be major psychological value in that.

So you see it seems that I have achieved somethings today just lots of little things. My mind seems to be in one of its wandering modes. If I don't focus, or if I try to handle jobs ( like the playroom) with lots of potential, I can get overwhelmed and meltdown. Making sure I only tidied the room for one hour and filled one bag of crap meant I had an end point. But I had to make myself stop. The Simpsons trip helped with that.

Is there a rodent heaven?

Sadly the news early today is of the death of Grievous the Rat. Following about a fortnight of laboured breathing, or possibly overfeeding, he was found lying in the bottom of the cage. At least he wasn't curled up in quite the same way as Lily. That means I can't rib Roo in the same way that I do Caitlin!
The funeral will be held this afternoon, followed by a brief wake ( of Toad in the Hole). I shall spend the day comforting Yoda, and tidying the playroom.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

A flirtacious moji, how cute!

Still feeling very tired. Can't put my finger on it though. I am yawning constantly, aching all over and yet my heart is racing. Stress maybe? Can't think what I can be stressed about????

Today was a momentous occasion. The children finally went swimming on their own. OK I had to sit at the side but I did get to sew and I didn't have to get wet. What bliss.

Had a great family game of 'Pass the Pigs', or rather Kasta Gris ( the Swedish version). Roo was a very poor loser. He really can't get the concept of 'luck'!

Caitlin made a fantastic sweet and sour stir fry tonight. Roo, as usual, refused to eat it, even smothered in ketchup.

NZ countdown...we sorted out the dvds and cds and xbox games. The children have yet to work out that these will be going in the container so will be absent for ten weeks or so...tee hee.

We need to sit down and work on our checklist but we have't managed to write one yet. When I ask Ant what he wants to include on this list he says things like 'which clothes we are taking!" Hm the kids and I have already done that! Which furniture we are taking? Well he keeps giving away the stuff I thought we were taking!

We seem to be having a bit of a family threesome going at the mo. Ant does his own thing, usually looking at houses on the internet, whilst we go swimming, play games, and read our latest family book. This week it's the Talent Thief by Alex Williams. It's interesting spotting how my mood affects how I read. Sometimes it is great to have something to concentrate on and other times, like tonight I can hardly get my words out straight. One character grizzled a wrestly bear today. Hm, Spooner reborn!

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

Has normal transmission resumed?

The moji has had a nervous breakdown; happy, nervous, anxious, angry all from one blog entry!

Having spent a sun filled few days in a field in Oxfordshire, not to mention a slightly alcohol fuelled one, I am slightly exhausted ( is that possible?) and snappy, which is probably why today is the first I've chosen to blog. We have spent the afternoon on the sofa because Caitlin has been having multiple meltdowns and I have not been very sympathetic. Johnny Depp cheered us all up. Anton has taken them to Nanny's and to karate since I feel so awful and really can't face dad today.

Cropredy was great, certainly better than expected. The sun shone for three days, the beer flowed, the kids spent the whole time up in the children's area with the clowns ( who gave me the creeps) and there were loads of papers to read. I didn't get to run along the canal path, since at 8 in the morning it was too hot! It was a good year musically, nearly as good as two years ago. I'm not sure why Jools Holland was playing at a folk festival but the set was excellent. There were lots of young folk acts which Ant loved and as usual Richard Digance was ace. I think I must be getting really old, though he is a throwback to my youth!

There was a different feeling this year. There were twenty thousand people there which led to tailbacks ( a two hour wait to get into the village), longer queues for everything, less space in the camping fields and in the festival field and a certain degree of tension. There seemed to be more groups of people, especially young people, whose main objective was to drink constantly without the laidback attitude that usually accompanies Fairport.

It was different for us too. We had a brand new tent, a 'mansion' in Roo's eyes, complete with a chandelier in the ballroom. Luxury camping for a change! And we were not alone. Al had persuaded her new man to come along. Ant is rather concerned ( too concerned?) that he isn't good enough for her; too grown up, slightly boring, smokes ( C is up in arms). Ant feels she deserves someone fun, who is as passionate as she is! I did have to tell him to tone down the flirting mind you!

Roo was a star of the weekend. He has decided that trying to be a jack of all trades is not his mien. So he WILL be good on the drums and his circus skill will be the 'stick'. The clown who was iteaching the 'stick' gave him so much praise. He was specifically asked to go in the talent show ( and won a snake). C of course was pissed off because she so wanted to go in the show, and did eventually but didn't do well enough in her eyes. It is going to be so hard for her. Roo is a natural, at the things he wants to do, and will outshine her. I wish I knew what to do to help.

On the way home we got caught up in the M40 closure. A motorcyclist was shot dead near leamington Spa and the tailbacks were massive. It took us 7 hours to get home rather than the usual 3 1/2!

New Zealand approaches apace. I picked up the passports yesterday, with the visas stuck in. Nine months of effort and we finally have four blue pieces of paper. We also had the surveyor round, with the vendor who happens to be his brother. They are aiming to complete by the 7th of September which would suit us fine. I had lunch with Susannah yesterday and she pointed out that when she comes back off holiday we could be on our way.

We are trying to stay as calm as possible. I did buy a bottle of champagne ( well Jacob's Creek) hopefully not tempting fate, which was very nice, with strawberries. We have so much to organise, we really need to start list writing. I must look out the immigration guide to find a checklist

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

I wonder if a moji can do f**king pissed off!

I will enjoy seeing what the moji does with this.
I have spent much of the day angry, frustrated, pissed off, murderous, stressed. I have slagged off my hubby in front of the kids (which I try not to do), felt guilty about being a bad mother, tried to be a good daughter to both of my parents and I just feel I am failing everybody. Caitlin is very upset about her weight, mum is upset about dad, Roo is exhausted, Anton couldn't get the kids back in time for karate because he was playing Irish music with Enda and then, instead of getting stuff ready for our camping trip he goes out to play tennis and then, at 11.00, asks why everyone else hasn't packed! I am so FUCKING PISSED OFF WITH HIM!!!!!
He has shown no consideration for anyone else today at all. I know he is ill, but well enough to play tennis etc, but there is a limit to my patience and I think I have reached it. It's 1.14 in the morning and I am angrily writing this having just finished the ironing and my packing. He wants to leave at 8 but I need to get my prescription...that was wrong with him too but then he hadn't bothered to tell me what our actual plans were. I only know we are going to see Aileen because I checked his emails. That's also how I know about his flirtatious emails with Al ( another reason why I'm pissed off). I am feeling so lumpy at the moment and this doesn't help.
I think the canal path at Cropredy might just get a bit of a pounding.

Monday, August 06, 2007

I want to be a BEAGLE!!!!!

You Are a Chihuahua Puppy

Small, high strung, and loyal.
You do best in the city with a adults - young kids could crush you!


Who Should Paint You: Gustav Klimt

Sensual and gorgeous, you would inspire an enchanting portrait..
With just enough classic appeal to be hung in any museum!

Sunday, August 05, 2007

Sunday night

A very boring title but I am in a boring mood. We have just got back from a weekend in Oxford and Hemel with granny and the godparents (competition for the Zimmers perhaps). As usual I found the whole thing a bit stressful. Granny fussed, although I did manage to take the kids to the park on my own, which was lovely. Ivan and Veronica were lovely inspite of his cold. They have offered to come and see us off when we go, which is nice. We went for a lovely walk. Having said that our kids walk well, Roo proceeded to sit down every fifty metres or so. It gained him a new nickname (50m). He then spent the afternoon attacking a punch bag Ivan had at home. I think the godfather was a bit put out that Roo used karate blocks when he was trying to teach him how to box. Ho hum. Roo has spent today flaked out on a sofa or in the car. Poor thing was exhausted.

So we arrived home to a letter from the NZIS stating that in principle we have residency. For some odd reason we have to give them 'accurate details' of our close family and then return our passports to them to get the visas stuck in. Oh and probably pay them even more money! I am kind of surprised that Ant isn't happier, but I guess that as we have no news on the house, he is biding his time. I can't decide whether to get the champagne in or not, tempting fate?

Went to see dad as soon as we got back. He didn't know who I was. Mum asked about the letter ( she's been feeding the pets) and then I had to explain what it meant. Dad cried, as usual, but how do you explain to someone that you are going to live on the other side of the world, when all they know is that they love you?

I think we might be down one rat by tomorrow. Grievous' breathing is laboured. Watch this space.