Friday, November 14, 2008

Being 40 sucks!

I haven't officially had a 40th birthday. I had a lovely 1920's cocktail party with 5 course meal all prepared by Anton...except for the cheese board of course.

Next morning, my actual birthday , Ant collapses with a suspected heart attack/angina/ who knows. Two days in hospital do not a celebration make. Lyme disease is most likely and he is currently undergoing any treatment he can find. Antibiotics, homeopathic, anthroposophic, herbal. Hm maybe the mixture is not a good thing.

I am coping but I am so aware of what happened the first time he suffered like this. I don't feel I can leave him alone for any length of time in case he has a panic attack or a relapse. Remembering him phoning me at Maria's will stay with me for a very very long time. I feel as though I want to cry, through helplessness mostly but possibly for very selfish reasons. I am having to shelve many of my activities to look after him, so I guess I feel I am missing out. Throwing my energies into keeping the house tidy doesn't seem to have helped. Maybe a good night's sleep will help.

On the book front, didn't really get 'Crash'. Not sure what I was expecting, possibly another Empire of the Sun but it so wasn't. Stuck with it to the end as it made compelling reading but can't say I enjoyed it. Ticked off another one of the 1000 though.

I have a few books cluttering up the bedside table. Am going through the 'not being able to focus on reading' phase so finding it a struggle. Trying to read 'the Perfect Spy' but may go for something shorter.

Hey ho. In NZ years I am officially only TWO (thanks Debs). I think I'll stick there