Friday, January 16, 2009

Another morning

And so another morning dawns, bright, sunny, hot.

I got up, emptied the dishwasher, fetched the paper, put the washing on and out, watered the plants with a little help from one of my little friends ( begins with R and ends in euben), had a shower, did a poo run ( in the garden picking up a couple of days worth) and then asked the immortal question 'How are you?" to two members of the family. One miserable face complained about her sunburn. She has very red shoulders but was told to apply cream before she left home and to reapply regularly, and another mum was in charge. Ah another day of misery guts. At least the cold and the tonsillitis are over!

The other one is monosyllabic, tense, pale and unaware that anyone exists apart from himself. He even spoke to his dad on skype and failed to mention me though he did get round to saying the kids are fine -yeah right they are both coping, just- and asking about his brother. I am getting to feel as though I don't matter, except to keep the house running, just, and to make sure food is on the table, providing I do it cheaply of course.

And then there is my duck murdering, oh and thrush murdering, dog. She and I have fallen out BIG TIME.

Needless to say taking her for a walk will calm me down and get me out of the house, though i will need to take the kids in case Ant decides to take himself to A&E! A good idea since I have a feeling the meltdown I have been expecting will happen very very soon.

New Year Resolve?

I have just returned from a seven a side football match, a successful one, played in glorious sunshine at seven o'clock in the evening. If there was a place to ride out the economic storm then surely it must be here. I am not saying life is easy, far from it, but the opportunities, the friendship, the support and the generosity of others make this a most beautiful country.

I don't really make resolutions, largely because it depends on which version of me makes them as to whether they last. I resolved last September to lose weight and I have been successful. I have resolved to start running again and, although it is proving tricky what with the kids being home and Ant either working or being ill, I have made a start. There is a pipeline path, virtually flat, which is 6.4km. Molly and I ran it in 50 minutes. I want to try it without her but she is reasonable company. I have entered a series of 10k runs, in the Auckland Series, as an incentive. I realise I need to be fit in order to cope with whatever life throws at me. Who knows what this year will bring.

We are all extremely worried about Anton. Right now he is experiencing palpitations every three or four minutes. He feels spaced and tense. He is going to see a cardiologist on Monday but has already said he feels he needs to go to A&E if only to sit and feel safe. It is affecting all of us hugely. Caitlin has been feeling as though she has to act like a mother to Reuben, to take the pressure off me, something Roo has taken none too kindly to. They understand about tightening our belts, especially as Ant has now given up on the Department of Corrections. I am sure it is a good thing for him and his health but it still raises issues. It will not help his sense of responsibility for us, for example. He seems to see everything in purely financial terms, without really stopping to consider how much we have already in our lives, in this place.

I am so unsure what to do for the best. I have resolved to be positive, to look forward. I mean to be mindful in both what I say and how I feel about myself. In the last few months I feel I have practiced that skill. I try to make less negative comments, to believe in myself and in my strengths. I have others to help me and remind me of my value, but it is still hard to accept compliments still. I wish I could be more like the kids who just say 'thank you' and earnestly believe what is said of them. They are BRILLIANT KIDS! I am so proud of them.

Couldn't resist this...

You Are "alt"

Some people might find you to be strange, mysterious, and even a bit off putting.

You tend to be drawn to and influenced by alternative lifestyles. You're definitely not normal.

Once people get to know you, they realize you're interesting, intriguing, and very intelligent.

You have a lot of knowledge stored in that big brain of yours. Most of it is useless knowledge, but some of it is very useful.


Your Rising Sign is Aquarius

You are an interesting mix of introspective and outlandish.

Waving your freak flag high, you really do things your own way.

While you may seem distant, you care very deeply for humanity.

You just have no tolerance for fools, slackers, or dullards.

And while you're fairly misanthropic, many are drawn to you.

Innovative and clever, people look to you for new ideas and trends.