I spent yesterday in bed, partly the after effects of the flu and keeping going when all those around me were failing one by one and partly I am sure because my body and my head in unison said I needed to. I slept almost all day and feel much improved as a result.
I am however still concerned about my lack of motivation. I forced myself to go to Weight watchers today. I had been doing really well (7kgs off) until three weeks ago when I hit a significant number and my head said 'That will do! You can do it on your own!" Downhill from then, then! My daily routine has been shot. I still haven't managed to work out when to exercise on a Tuesday (sewing class) or Wednesday (work) or Thursday (WW). Yes I know there are things called evenings but before mornings were my thing and if I missed a day it didn't matter. Again I could get up earlier but it is so cold at the moment and as I have said the motivation is lacking!
Still I bit the bullet today. Only a 1.2kg gain after about four weeks of eating whatever I fancied and, whilst today has been a struggle, I did manage to do 20 minutes on the stationary bike. I know I am capable of up to an hour but even a little is better than I have done for the last month. I still can't believe it is that long.
I am concerned that this is still a symptom of my condition. That the drugs aren't working or perhaps are working and this is a side effect. And I am of course concerned that we are coming into Spring which, according to Kaye Redfield Jamieson, is the most dangerous time to those living with bipolar disorder. Still depressed from the winter but the beginnings of Spring brings new energy, energy to do something about the blackness.
SO...to feel that I am healing...I need a routine, a plan of action. This WILL include daily exercise (biking, running, Wii fit), tracking my food and sleeping properly. That one is so important. Recovery requires rest.
Luckily WW still allows me to go out for brunch with a mate on Saturday-can't beat buttermilk pancakes :-)