Monday, April 30, 2012

The most stupid things affect me!

I guess they are not stupid if they affect me though! When i am in the space I am in right now, the slightest change, comment or action can alter my thinking and that can wreck my day.

I was pleased for example that I had remembered that the Ed Sheeran tickets went on sale to day. I was online ready, had a strong signal, clicked buy tickets at dead on 9am, had seats, all I had to do was pay and, sure enough, the website took so long to load that the whole thing timed out! I was so excited and then so deflated that I am still struggling to control where my head goes! There were tears. I am disappointed for the kids as I know they would love to go. So, do I feel I have let them down? Is that why I am feeling crappy and tearful?

I DID manage to book tickets for a local production of Chess-a musical we all love. But even that took a while, and a change of internet browser-maybe I should have tried that with the Ed Sheeran tickets? So all is not black today.

I DID manage to go for a little run, just up the road and back but 15 minutes and so far no twinges. I am going to do 30 mins on the bike too but am pleased to be up on my feet again!

BUT then a friend emailed me. We do a weekly 'pub' quiz and have done pretty well in the past. I like quizzes and have the kind of brain that retains junk and then makes links to help me to access that junk. She had wanted me to join the quiz team for a while and indeed we have won a couple of times since I joined. However, I always feel the pressure is on me to do well so we can win. LAst week for example we were doing fairly badly-16th place until the final round on films, when I virtually single handed got 10/10 on our joker round which lifted us to 6th. My mate can act like a petulant child when we do badly, blaming everyone but not taking responsibility for her own contribution. Anyway, we had invited a friend of mine and hubby's to join us because he is good at quizzes and geography in particular which I am useless at. The last few weeks have been hard weeks both in terms of questions and in terms of where my head is at- I have been thinking in a fog! SO we haven't done well. Geography questions however and a couple of sports questions have been answered well!

Today's email basically said-your friend can't come anymore because he pisses me off. Do something about it!!!

Given where I am right now I am more than prepared to stop going to a quiz I love because someone is putting me under pressure, both to answer questions and to deal with something she doesn't want to address. I haven't responded yet, though I have forwarded the message to hubby for his opinion.

So here I sit, trying to do my term's planning, thinking through fog and tears. I have a few ideas, I jut need the patience to get them sorted out.

I think I will go and cycle for 30 minutes, then come back to the plan, then eat. That should help!

This I don't need!

Why oh why can't I be more resilient?

And I remembered...things I am grateful for

My amazing daughter who is excelling at school. I am so proud of her, her work ethic and her joy!

My dog, who is sitting patiently waiting for me as I have forgotten to take her lead off after we went for our little jog!

My static bike which is helping me to get fit (and therefore my husband who bought it for me :-) )