Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Happy New Year!!!! 2008

It's difficult to keep up two blogs. I have a moral obligation to write the family one- as all the family read it and are desperate for information and pictures of the kids. I have tried getting the rest of the family to do it but it requires motivation, not something an eight year old has for anything that does not involve a trampoline or a computer game.

Trouble is I can't be honest on the family blog. If I feel shit I have to write that everything is fab otherwise the parents will fret. Christmas has been far from easy, although enjoyable for the most part. My head has been off the lines and Ant says he saw it coming but didn't do or say anything so I sort of blame him for my meltdown. He's just spent thousands on a jetski which at best can cater for two of the family and can't understand why I'm not enthusiastic. We could have bought 10 kayaks for the same price! He winges when I buy a coffee and then splurges!

He hates his job, wants to jack it all and bake cookies ( a la Ben) and then what? I guess I feel that he has let us down. He brought us here, with promises... a trampoline (yes), a spa pool ( yes), a great house ( yes), family time ( hm), a baby ( a big no), a dog ( probably a no). We are having to deal with him being unhappy and not be able to feel frustrated because if you do he hits back. Maybe I am just finding being 'just a mum' less than fulfilling, but I don't seem to stop. This is the first minute I have had to myself for about a week and I'll be in trouble for spending too long on the net, when I should be in bed.

The kids and I are enjoying our holiday. We have our roles, they empty the dishwasher while I hang out washing, then we play, shop, go to the beach, have an adventure, play with the cats, water the plants.

Ant seems jealous of my situation, having made friends with a few of the moms, but it's difficult starting again. I miss having people around who know when I'm starting to gabble and can just say 'stop', who don't expect too much of me, who know they have to ring me, because I could be having a bad day. I miss the possibility of seeing people I love, however fleetingly. Email is fine but I wish some one would just walk through the door and say 'hey'.

I wish my life was as simple as the kittens. They are curled up beside me at midnight, grooming each other, or could that be play fighting. They eat, sleep, purr, run, poop and look cute.

Oh yeah my new year's weigh less than a dog! Storm is a big dog ( Newfoundland) but I need to weigh less than her. Well it's good to have an aim.

Been sitting watching the Big Chill as I have been ironing and blogging. Perhaps it struck a nerve or perhaps I chose to watch it for familiar reasons.