Tuesday, June 26, 2007

Feeling shite!

I was in Asda's this evening with C on the first karate run, when I suddenly felt my head go.I haven't had such a weird turn in a long time. I've been taking my meds, haven't drunk anything for months ( apart from a week and a half ago) and have been feeling pretty stable. I am proud of my self for being aware that something was happening but I am so sorry that other people had to deal with me. I've snapped at Caitlin for slurping her coke too loudly, and had to pretend to my dad that everything was OK.

I feel so weak, shaky, incapable of anything. Maybe I am physiologically ill but knowing me I doubt it. My heart is pounding; it almost feels like a panic attack in the making. I'm hoping that writing this will give me something to focus on, to prevent a full scale meltdown. Anton will, of course, say that this always happens when he's away. Certainly on Mondays I tend to be more unsettled if he's working away, but then I have usually spent a day pottering aimlessly. This time, it's different. I have the sort of tunnel vision I have experienced in the past, and all my relaxation techniques are failing to deal with the palpitations.

The kids have been so good. I told Roo I was wobbling and might not appreciate his fidgetting and he just got the magnetix out and built quietly. Caitlin has offered me a coffee and then taken her brother off to bed. God I love them . I feel so guilty for being such a mess. I do sometimes feel they would do better without me, but then who would C turn to when her head goes off the lines?

This was supposed to help me focus. I just feel more of a failure now. I'll find a picture and head off to bed. Maybe an early (ish) night will allow me to recover.


Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Ghost Punisher
Your Superpower is Electrocution
Your Weakness is Bald People
Your Weapon is Your Thunder Dagger
Your Mode of Transportation is Rocket

You could hear the cheer in space!

You Are Buffy the Vampire Slayer

"We saved the world. I say we have to party."

Caitlin found this excellent blogthing. She ended up being Trinity from the Matrix.

I went through my choices, expecting to be Batgirl but then....

YES, YES, YES, YES, YES!!!!!!!!

Oh and miraculously Henman won 13-11 in the fifth... but not in time for me to watch the end of the match at school before picking the kids up